Бесплатный фрагмент - The First Public Theatre Guild
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
To the charitable foundation “Art of Kindness”:
Sergey Zuev
Valentina Novakovskaya
To the K. S. Stanislavsky House Museum:
Sofya Gracheva
Anait Ovchinnikova
Natalya Karsova
Almaz Khakimov
Sergey Soldatov
Vladimir Shaukhin
To the teachers of the First Public Theatre Guild:
Elizaveta Matvievich
Ivan Dementyev
Special thanks to:
Alexander Yaroshevsky
INTRODUCTION
This book simply had to come into existence, as it was needed not only by us but also by those who knew about us, those who followed what was happening here, those who came to us, and those who will come in the future.
Our guild opened in a challenging anniversary year for the Moscow Art Theatre. It was created not so much in honor of the theatre, its walls, or its people, but for the individual who cares deeply about all things living and human — about all that is truly humane and can only originate from the heart.
To lean on the legacy of the giants of the past while standing at a crossroads is a noble mission for those who are ready to search for and discover their own path. This is why this book is not about creative solutions but about the search for something greater, something deeper — something that cannot always be explained but is easily understood on an emotional level.
What lies before you is a document of our journey, written under the most discerning gaze, in Moscow, at 6 Leontievsky Lane.
Artistic Director — Roman Evgenievich Akimov
The Guild Process
LEARNERS
Pavel Yuster
Sergey Bosov
Elena Demidenko
Yulia Vorobyeva
Victoria Kurbanova
Maria Gil
Nini Lemann
Anastasia Loza
Sergey Kramarev
Valentina Shulga
Anisia Ledovskaya
Roxana Ruinskaya
Olga Nikanshina
Evelina Pashovkina
Alexandra Kamyshan
Tatyana Mironova
Pavel Sofronov
Lima Rasulova
Mikhail Russkikh
Alina Gilmetova
Alina Balakina
Anton Ushakov
Antonina Yegorova
Olga Stashkevich
Irina Ratnikova
Asya Putilina
Daria Rublyova
Olesya Bykoderova
Angelina Puzikova
APRIL
Fabulist / Guild Learner — Mikhail Russkikh:
The wooden veranda, smooth and bright,
A city, two glasses, a summer night.
Though strange it may seem, and yet, somehow,
Two captains met — here, and now.
Not for drinks, not for cheer,
But for ideas that drew them near.
They spoke of seas, of ships, of lore,
Of dreams that sailed to distant shores.
— At Leontiev’s yard, a caravel grand,
A sacred temple, a sight so planned.
How glorious it would be, how rare! —
Dreamt Ivan, lost in the coffee’s flare.
But truth would come, and Roman would say:
— My friend, your dreams show us the way.
Seven summers ago, I set my sights,
On paths that led to soaring heights.
The seventh day, a photo to show,
Proof that miracles don’t come from nowhere, you know.
For those who doubt, here is the clue:
Dreams are real when the heart is true.
This fable holds no moral, no weight,
No lessons here to contemplate.
To conclude, let’s raise Oceania’s story high,
In reverence for dreams that never die.
Opening of the Book Club
Starting from this day, the guild will systematically study Carl Gustav Jung’s book “On the Psychology of the Unconscious.” Some excerpts from the learners’ reflections on this topic will be published in this book.
April 28, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
“Spoke a lot about the creation of the world and how much we’ve lost by immersing ourselves in the illusions of its description. Hinted, albeit indirectly, that they are the ones who could become the guides capable of pulling weary humanity out of its centuries-long slumber.”
April 29, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
“Chaotic, yet very warm and positive. Everyone is so musical! The strong beat is both our strength and our curse. It seems that most people have come to believe that plasticity isn’t just ‘dancing around.’”
Book Club / Sergey Bosov:
Read the first chapter. Many things resonated with me:
1. Unconscious processes distort/block the perception of reality (despite the body’s proper functioning — hearing, sight) to protect us from forbidden, painful, or frightening things.
2. The unconscious can build entire chains of events, leading to the outcome it seeks to resolve an inner conflict or satisfy unconscious intentions and needs. I’ve repeatedly observed this in my life and made use of it. It’s astonishing how the unconscious can construct and execute complex schemes with minimal involvement of a person’s conscious mind. This immense psychic energy — combined with intuition, the ability to pick up on subtle nuances, forecasting, and creating strategies and behaviors — can be harnessed in life and art if we acknowledge, observe, articulate, and become aware of it wherever possible.
3. The therapeutic effect of articulation or expression — through drawing, dancing, movement, or sound — allows one to step into the role of the observer, gain awareness, and either heal or deeply connect with another person or a character as an actor.
4. Trauma isn’t the key root cause of neuroses (it’s often a trigger that activates programs or beliefs). At the root of many psychopathologies lies an unconscious conflict or unmet needs, often in the sphere of love, touching on vital human necessities.
April 29, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
“Barely managed to fit everything into three hours. Today was a day of ‘exploration through touch.’ Many pleasantly surprised me, both with their physical abilities and their desire to understand their bodies. Everyone left energized, as if it weren’t already 10 PM. It was… and it was wonderful.”
Book Club / Sergey Kramarev:
Read the first chapter in one breath. Despite encountering unfamiliar terms frequently, I managed to immerse myself in the material, and now I want to read it through to the end. Of course, how strange it is… how strange we are… that even the smallest “mistake,” such as in childhood, can radically alter your life as an adult.
MAY
May 1, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
Spoke in the guild about a case from my practice that deeply resonated with the participants. Naturally, it directly pertains to theater and the complexity of human life — a complexity often overlooked.
The story was about a woman and her daughter visiting her mother (the grandmother of the child). At the end of their visit, the woman faced her daughter’s disobedience, expressed through hurtful words and accusations directed not only at her but also at the grandmother. Afterward, the woman wrote to her husband, asking him to discipline the daughter and put an end to the “little surprises” her father liked to create. When the husband refused, the woman erupted in anger, hurling accusations, insults, and suspicions of infidelity and betrayal at him.
But was that really the case? Unraveling this complex — yet commonplace for many families — knot began with understanding and uncovering the root causes buried deep in the woman’s childhood. She had experienced a profound, unexpressed psycho-emotional trauma, so intense that it had been hidden deep in her unconscious, surfacing only under opportune circumstances. Her request to her husband to punish their daughter was nothing more than an unconscious plea: “Avenge me.”
As a child, the woman had been abandoned by her father. Within this context, it became evident that, on one hand, she was seeking protection for herself from “her” man (through the image of the father who had left), and on the other, she was unconsciously trying to exact revenge on the world for her past suffering. This drove her entire life, affecting all aspects of it, isolating her further and creating an aura of detachment and alienation. In every situation involving her daughter and husband (where the young daughter symbolized herself, and the husband symbolized the absent father), the man was always to blame, while the daughter became a tool for resolving her “internal issues.”
What happened was both a tool for addressing a great trauma and a purpose in itself — a horrifying confirmation that the male figure was the root of all problems. Until the issue was resolved, everything remained a vicious cycle for everyone involved.
In the context of this example, I also spoke about the persistence of illusions, as the unfortunate woman lived within them, unaware that these deceptive lies were pulling everyone around her into the same situation. The most tragic part is that neither she nor they were to blame — after all, how can you fault a child whose father disappeared from her life, causing it to halt for an indefinite and torturous period? The hopelessness of an unresolved issue or deeply rooted illusions leads only to death and the destruction of all potential.
The term “awakening” means breaking free from illusions and honestly answering oneself. Even one step in this process — questioning: What am I doing? Why am I doing it? How am I doing it? — without self-justification is a step toward liberation.
One must reach the very essence of everything. And how is the life we create in cinema or theater any different? After all, this story is but a fragment caught in the vast sea of psychological phenomena raging within each of us. To do theater, we must shake ourselves free, awaken in the best sense of the word, and then light the lanterns for those standing on a road without stars.
Book Club / Victoria Kurbanova:
The phrase about the neurotic syndrome having a “psychogenic” nature — originating in the psyche — struck a chord with me. It also noted that for an effect to occur, a shock must coincide with a particular mental predisposition. These words immediately made me think about genetics and the inheritance of various mental illnesses. The first chapter doesn’t directly address this, but I believe that “mental predisposition” is closely tied to genetics.
Another surprising story was about a patient who ran away from horses, only to find that the root of the problem was her love for her friend’s husband. That flight from the horses was the unconscious desire triumphing.
I immediately drew a parallel to myself, recalling an incident where my conscious mind sought peace, but my unconscious mind leaned toward conflict. At first, I also thought it all happened on its own and that I had been provoked into the conflict. But after reading this chapter, I came to think that, most likely, I was ready to “be provoked” and enter the conflict myself.
May 5, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
It was incredible to visit Konstantin Sergeyevich — for the first time! Until now, there was always someone else already at the museum… The anticipation was immense, and the joy was overwhelming!
We didn’t get to the practice yet; we looked to the future, discussed plans, and got to know each other better.
My biggest takeaway: we’ve begun!
We began on a beautiful May evening! This evening is historic!
May 6, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
Today, we attempted to delve a little deeper into the questions of the body. How surprised they were to realize that all this time, their movements had been trivial! But the most important thing… they want to learn, they truly want to!
May 6, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
The session was not without tension among the participants. What I told them challenged their understanding of themselves and the world. Beliefs they held as truth crumbled before their eyes like crystal castles hurled from a cliff. But I stood by them, saying: do not fear, for after the destruction of illusions comes freedom and the clarity to see what must be done next.
During the session, I had to provide immediate support to one participant, as there was no other choice. Her mother is gravely ill, and the moment of her passing is drawing near. I helped her find peace, and this calm extended to everyone around, as if her tears were someone else’s tears as well… and so it was, and so it is.
After the session, another participant wrote to me about her difficult problem — a lack of self-acceptance in the family she is trying to build. Somehow, she keeps returning to unresolved relationships and conflicts from the past that once destroyed her. Worries and haunting images robbed her of sleep, her soul suffering without an outlet. We spoke until 4 a.m., identified the root cause, and outlined a plan for what to do next.
May 7, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
How wonderful it is that I’m writing this the morning after. Another three hours flew by unnoticed. Oh, the spontaneous improvisation to African rhythms was simply delightful! The exchange of energy was at its peak. So many of them have boundless potential, even if not all of them realize it. The thoughts this sparked in them — and in me — are immeasurable.
May 7, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
The first practical lesson! We created Living Feelings within ourselves, without drawing on personal experience! Usually, I begin by explaining the three main differences between Chekhov’s method and Stanislavsky’s system, and only then do I introduce the “Expansion — Contraction” exercise. But this time, it was the other way around! Theory will come in the next lesson, but they already know that Feelings can be born in the Center of the Chest through Imagination and Attention!
I am thrilled that everything is unfolding in such a unique way! This is exactly how it should be!
May 8, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
We are analyzing the actions of each participant, exploring both their light and dark sides. It feels as though we’ve been wandering in a desert for decades, where the unconscious manifestations of the learners, without my guidance, once again build “idols” for worship, pushing aside what we’ve worked so hard to reach.
At the end of the session, a true miracle occurred. In a challenging moment, as we delved into questions involving a highly talented participant named Yulia, everything around us suddenly fell silent. It felt as though such stillness hadn’t been in K.S. Stanislavsky’s house for a long time — as if even the floorboards and chairs ceased to creak.
Afterward, there were Anton and Alina. For them, this moment was a small step, but what a step it was for humanity.
May 12, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
The Feeling of Wholeness! The Most Important Lesson! The Most Crucial Topic!
Mikhail Alexandrovich Chekhov said that an actor who does not feel this very Wholeness has no right to step onto the stage! The world is one and whole, and I am a vital part of it! After all, Nature created me exactly as I am, in this exact time, and in this exact place! Was this a coincidence? I deeply doubt it.
Book Club / Roxana Ruinskaya:
Reflected on the first chapter.
1. I was intrigued by Frans’ observation that scientists lack curiosity. When the first work on the new concept of neuroses was published, the authors expressed approval but continued to act as they had before (similar to agreeing the Earth is a sphere yet continuing to draw it flat). This resonated deeply. It reminded me of people in the modern film industry who agree that different methods of existing on screen are great but often rely on stereotypes (e.g., a girl from Central Asia can only play a cleaner, and a fit, muscular guy is always cast as a bodyguard or gangster).
2. Conversational therapy or “chimney sweeping,” which helped a patient. When I read this, I realized I do the same but without falling into distraction or twilight consciousness. I often create dialogues in my head, sometimes even imaginary plays or situations that never happened. I play them out in my mind.
3. The description of ignoring passion and how the unconscious can almost control you was deeply moving. It’s a little frightening but also fascinating. The unconscious proved stronger… But the patient fidgeted and tried to change the subject, which means she realized one thing was connected to another and wasn’t entirely sure the situation had arisen by itself.
May 13, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
Today, a little magic happened — for the first time, they touched one another. Only honest sensations. A partner is a canvas worthy of attention, meticulous and careful work. It’s important to feel and trust. Almost everyone managed to trust and keep their eyes closed, though there were exceptions.
Such beautiful impulses are born. Some are organic, while others still try to “look good” and won’t let their body speak. But we’re on the path to it.
And yes, today, beyond everything universal, we also tackled serious earthly matters! Oh, they’ll remember my name in the morning when their bodies speak to them in the language of soreness.
May 13, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
The first part of the session was dedicated to training, specifically exercises in perception, where each participant created an image evoked by their partner. Naturally, this served as a mirror of the unconscious, so precise that it felt like a revelation, requiring no words, explanations, or interpretations — all of it created solely in the freedom of creativity and inner liberation.
We must dedicate as much time as possible to such practices so that they transition from the realm of the new and unknown into a principle of existence and interaction, both in life and on stage.
The second part met noticeable resistance from the participants. I understand that reevaluating past experiences is always frightening, but this is where the most attention is needed, as the fear that arises is merely an illusion. The sleep of reason produces monsters.
I received a beautiful card from one learner thanking me for helping untangle a knot that had tormented her for years:
“Untie the knots of failure binding us,
As we loosen the ropes
By which we hold others’ faults.”
There is no greater joy than seeing a person free from suffering and able to pursue what they love.
May 14, 2024: Guild Learner / Yulia Vorobyeva:
I am a reserved person, keeping everything inside. Rarely do I share anything, even with those close to me, unless prompted by a surge of the soul. My mind is constantly filled with questions and answers, dialogues, and searches.
Now, the First Public Theater Guild has entered my life (or I have entered its life, or it mine). There, we study not just acting but also ourselves, exploring human nature (and through this, acting). We talk about topics that were once only inside me, and I find answers to my questions.
To me, this is magic. What I needed so much has come into my life. It’s happening gradually, and this is just the beginning. Something interesting will come later, but it’s already here now. It’s fascinating; it’s a process.
May 14, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
Today, we introduced the first tool of Chekhov’s method — the Tints. I showed the learners three steps to creating Living Feelings in the Center of their chest. Only attention and imagination — no “digging up old wounds” from the past. And they felt it! It’s wonderful!
But there was a downside — tardiness! At 4:00 p.m. in the Onegin Hall, only 5–6 people were present. I went downstairs to see if anyone else was coming… I didn’t see anyone rushing to the lesson, even though it was already 4:02.
I implemented a rule: attendance will now be recorded five minutes after the start of the lesson. If you’re later than that, you weren’t there!
May 14, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
As I expected, those who attended yesterday’s session remembered me this morning! Slowly but surely, we are coming to understand that the body is a mechanism requiring care and painstaking work.
Today, we continued building trust, now from a physical perspective. It’s heartening to see the participants filled with emotions. Actions they once deemed impossible are now part of their body.
Many questions arise during the work, and together we explore the answers. It’s impossible not to be delighted by this.
May 15, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
Through my gaze and my painted scenes,
Your weary step will soar with might.
No force shall stifle the beautiful lines,
And what was lost will be found in the light.
With fervent colors, wild and bright,
We’ll paint for ages lands divine.
Ascending the cliffs of atonement’s height,
To the drums’ loud beat, in a cadence of time.
On a damp, cold night, under starlit skies,
By touch alone, no one will be found.
And the blind bird, in its memories confined,
Escaping the cage, will crash to the ground.
May 19, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
Our fifth lesson. Today, we went further, deeper! We gave birth to Living Feelings within ourselves, and it was magnificent!
At a certain point, the space of the Onegin Hall became a kind partner to us. Through several Tints, we ascended the steps, took to the stage, passed between the columns, and descended again… I greeted each person at the edge of the stage. First came the Tint of “emptiness,” then “vulnerability,” and finally, “triumph.”
Fascinating observations emerged: the first two Tints (which can be conditionally called “negative”) were embraced with ease by everyone. I felt the vibrations from each participant… But the “triumphant” Tint was harder! Some embraced it and were dazzling, while others walked timidly, hiding their eyes, as though unable to accept their own triumph.
I drew the learners’ attention to this and assigned them homework for next Tuesday: to constantly evoke this Tint within themselves!
Roxana Ruinskaya’s phrase left a strong impression: “We are all Winners here!” She was referring to the fact that they had all been accepted into the Guild. How right she is!
Book Club / Alina Balakina:
I increasingly feel like a doctor dissecting the human brain and a detective solving the riddle of a crime. The chapters on Eros and Power provoked the most thought and reaction. Here’s what resonated with me and sparked reflection:
• How sick are we all? Do we understand who our demon is — Eros or the Desire for Power? How much do we accept our shadow and our demons?
• Realizing and accepting your shadow side (your past, flaws, fears, etc.) is the only chance to achieve completeness. A person cannot exist solely in the vertical; the horizontal and everything connected to it are inextricably linked to life. This is a given, a key, a salvation for the soul.
The example of Nietzsche and his relationship with Wagner struck me deeply. For the first time, I encountered the argument about his stigmatization by the spirit. It made me think about how even the greats (perhaps especially the greats) can sink so deeply into the denial of important things that it leads to the destruction of their minds.
And it’s captivating to think about our inability to control such an uncontrollable substance as the unconscious. How enlightened and aware are we, living without any control over the universe within us? I desperately want to become Alexander the Great and tame my Bucephalus, preventing any neurosis from emerging ten years down the road and wreaking havoc.
May 20, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
Monday is now officially our cardio and stunt day! It was intense, and alongside the physical work, we also began learning to “knead” one another. A perfect blend of the pleasant and the useful. We identified pressure points and explored the muscles we have, so we can later put them to work.
In addition, today we had our first encounter with the primary partner of physical theater — the floor. Or rather, the ground. We explored basic movements of merging with and departing from it. It turned out to be far from simple because, after all, our floor is hard!
It was productive and active, and we barely managed to fit everything into three hours.
May 20, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
This was a two-hour intensive practical session in the Onegin Hall. The intensity was so great that the very air of this sacred space seemed to heat up, becoming akin to the core of a boiling volcano.
In the final hour, we delved into unconscious symbols and the concepts of natural unconscious reactions, including painful and pathological ones.
When analyzing observations, almost everyone chose the simplest and, in their view, most explicable examples, especially in the realm of emotions they observed, where feelings tended to gravitate toward varying degrees of fear. This, of course, reflects their own experiences — they react so strongly to these examples because they themselves confront such fears every day. Most of them are captives of this socially pervasive emotion in our challenging times.
May 21, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
Today, many learners arrived late to the lesson. I almost started lecturing them: “And why don’t I come late…” but stopped myself immediately. I realized how foolish and self-indulgent it would be to elevate myself in front of my learners by saying, “When I was your age…”
I recall, during my time at the Moscow Art Theatre School-Studio, our dean once said: “We secretly built a theater. We couldn’t walk into reception without carrying two bricks, and we’d leave with two bags of earth. We could only dump it in our own district so no one would suspect we were digging underground.” He was talking about creating the studio theater “Man.”
Why set myself as an example? I need to find another way to motivate them, to inspire them to arrive on time. That is the essence of high-level pedagogy. There’s no need for me to say I’m punctual — as the head of the course, it’s obvious I can’t be late.
Though, I must admit, I was terribly late to the very first lesson. I was mortified, even though I didn’t blame myself — I had calculated the travel time correctly to arrive by 3:50 PM! But we didn’t arrive until 4:30 PM! Everything was blocked, and on top of that, the driver took a wrong turn due to GPS glitches.
Fortunately, I wasn’t alone; the group leader, Olya Stashkevich, was with me, and she witnessed the situation. It turned out the President’s inauguration was taking place in the city, and in the end, it was the President who made me late for my very first lesson.
Let this tardiness become part of our history as well!
May 21, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
Today, we chose a calmer and more measured mode of existence. We focused on training where the body becomes a useless tool if one doesn’t think or imagine. Not everyone grasped this concept right away, but after about forty minutes, many found the right path, and the first breakthroughs in discovery occurred!
By the end of the session, we worked on the crucial concepts of contact and understanding. The task was for two people to be connected, with all their movements coordinated and comfortable for their partner. Many showcased great creativity, others took a simpler route, but contact was established, and no one got hurt!
Fabulist / Guild Learner — Mikhail Russkikh:
Greetings to you, wanderer!
We address you formally, it’s our tradition.
A compass, a couple of notebooks,
Indoor shoes (or just socks will do).
To rise in the ranks,
Tap “Sign Up” with your finger.
Dangerous items here include:
Laziness, prejudice, falseness, pride?
Deposit them in the cloakroom,
For here, under the banner of adventure,
With aspirations reaching vertical heights,
The need for such burdens will vanish into the abyss.
The unconscious, that mysterious force,
Reveals the image of a psycho-gesture,
Radiating deep feelings,
Unleashing the form of plastic expression!
A poetic, coherent spoiler —
Has it inflamed your imagination?
This is the first month; you are at the beginning,
The path is outlined — forget the goals!
There are no pills, no secrets.
Everything you need is already with you.
Fan the flame of knowledge,
Become the light of truth!
May 22, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
By sheer coincidence, our guild arranged a meeting with Alexey Igorevich Sheynin. From the moment I received the phone call to making my decision, only a few seconds passed. The meeting followed a well-trodden path for Alexey Igorevich — he always has a few prepared stories up his sleeve, ones he repeats from meeting to meeting. But this time, there was something new, and even I was surprised: it was Boris Pasternak’s poetry, which he hadn’t recited before. I must admit — it was the highest level of emotional artistry.
The questions from the learners revealed that most of them are still caught in clichéd narratives about the profession (I dislike that word). And what’s most interesting — they perceive everything said (each time) as dogma, even when the statements completely contradict one another. Of course, this is the easiest approach to take, except for one “but”: any adopted template always clashes with individuality and one’s true self.
By adopting the template of someone else’s established persona, they seem to console themselves for their own failures and dream of shining under different circumstances. We will work step by step to change this. Each of them has an inner core, a foundation upon which they must rely to face the challenges the future holds for all of us.
…And the first hour passes,
And though I don’t sleep, I dream —
The stage seems to sparkle,
And the choir (unexpectedly, though) sings.
And once again, my soul is overturned…
About what was said, about what was sung,
And summer seems so near,
And the time seems ripe for odes…
— And though I don’t live, still I live!
I see so much, I breathe,
And even rejoice a little.
And though the lair feels empty,
And my heart beats in unison —
But only with the clock on the wall…
I will not ask forgiveness from God.
And at times, I do not want to know
What rattles in the windowpane.
I’m there, I’m here — in the flames.
…And the first hour passes,
And though I don’t sleep, I dream —
The stage seems to sparkle,
And the choir (unexpectedly, though) sings.
And once again, my soul is overturned.
Book Club:
Starting today, the guild concludes its study of Carl Gustav Jung’s On the Psychology of the Unconscious. The next book for exploration will be announced in early June.
May 26, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
There’s no need to act or perform anything — you simply evoke the Tint and become the feeling.
How sad it is that our institutions don’t provide these tools. They demand feeling, but how? Only through personal experience…
Recently, a student shared an experience from a lesson at a film school. The teacher, a distinguished artist of Russia, was asked how to play fear. Her answer? She suggested the student imagine being at Crocus City Hall during a terrorist attack.
When they immerse actors in past pain, that’s one thing. But asking someone to conjure such horror, essentially inviting that possibility into their life, I find absolutely unacceptable. That should be punished!
Book Club / Sergey Bosov:
True passion can be unconscious. What surfaces may be socially acceptable, safe, and advantageous feelings. It’s astonishing how divided we can be, unaware of our true nature and aspirations, hidden behind facades of masks, defenses, norms, and rules.
Civilization and societal norms are sources of discord and incongruence.
How important it is to recognize and give space to our unconscious desires — it’s healing, often exciting, and unexpectedly transformative.
May 27, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
Today felt magical in this beautiful hall! Sunlight illuminated the center of the space, endowing it with even greater power. We continued exploring our bodies on the floor — many things didn’t come easily, but I intentionally introduced challenges.
It was a day of physical release and cardio. This part of the lesson is always energizing — perhaps because some are eager to look good for summer, or maybe to relive that sense of ecstasy and satisfaction afterward.
On a sadder note, not everyone dives into their homework, losing the progress we achieve during lessons.
May 27, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
It was an interesting and challenging day at the guild. Interesting because we began studying unconscious impulses and one of the most complex aspects of the Autonic Horizon: death and its manifestations in literature, cinema, theater, life, imagery, and roles.
We discussed moments when a person, role, image, or phantom stands at the threshold of choice — the red line that must not be crossed. In such moments, unconscious reactions can descend from natural to pathological. We analyzed this through the examples of Macbeth and Richard III.
The challenge? Beyond the fact that all the curtains in K.S. Stanislavsky’s House-Museum were removed, making the space overly warm and bright, we also couldn’t open the windows temporarily. The reason? Poplar fluff, like an uninvited guest, persistently tried to join our lesson. Pressed against the glass, it seemed to be watching us with great curiosity!
May 28, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
Once again, the class had an odd number of learners. This meant I actively participated in the process, as we were doing paired exercises to learn how to feel and interact with one another. We are building a team.
What a miracle and joy it is to not just oversee and guide the process, but to engage in it myself through these paired exercises, growing closer with each one. That’s the first thing.
The second? The incredible delight of immersing myself in the practical side of the Method. If I feel such inspiration and awe from this work, what must our learners feel as they walk this path for the first time?
How sensitively we feel one another, how attentive we are to each movement, how much care and tenderness we have for one another. It’s a true privilege to learn from your learners!
May 28, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
Today, we dedicated most of the session to individually analyzing what each learner had prepared.
The assignment was to develop the simplest mechanical, everyday movement using the “keys” we had studied. We’ve been building up to this step by step all month. Some presented their 15th variation, while others were just beginning to grasp the task.
Based on what I saw, I decided to differentiate the next homework assignment, as many are ready to delve deeper. We discussed this together, and I hope we understood one another.
The second part of the session focused on interaction training. We ended with a small performance, and it turned out quite well.
May 29, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
Sometimes, I feel a quiet joy when I step back during our sessions and immerse myself in the truly beautiful natural processes unfolding outside our magical windows.
While everyone is busy with exercises and developing their skills in understanding humanity, I look out the window. It fills me with a bittersweet lightness, knowing that the poplar fluff storm outside is weaving its incredible featherbed blankets.
Meanwhile, we are also (may the weaver not doubt) doing important and necessary work. They will learn, and they will be able to whirl just as lightly and gracefully as you, oh great poplar fluff, as you glow golden in the sunlight and dissolve into the warmth of the approaching summer.
Book Club / Alexandra Kamyshan:
“When a direct path doesn’t allow you to achieve your goal, there will always be alternative routes.”
Manifestation — a clear display or expression of feelings, traits, or features. The appearance of symptoms.
A pathogenic conflict is not merely personal; it is a universal human conflict manifesting within the individual, as being at odds with oneself is one of the defining traits of a civilized person.
Neurosis is merely a particular case of such a split, and therefore, it requires the patient to harmonize nature and culture within themselves above all else!
Mithraism — a mystical religious cult widespread in the Roman army during the 1st–4th centuries CE. The cult was considered secret, with religious gatherings held in mithraea — cave-like spaces undecorated on the outside.
The instinctive nature of humans always rebels against the norms imposed by civilization. Names may change, but the essence remains the same.
Moreover, today we know that not only animal instincts are in conflict with cultural restrictions; very often, new ideas, striving to emerge from the unconscious, are just as discordant with the dominant culture as instincts are.
Neurosis is self-division. For most people, the root of this division lies in the fact that the conscious mind seeks to adhere to its moral ideal, while the unconscious pursues its own, in a modern sense, amoral ideal, which the conscious mind rejects.
People of this type long to appear more respectable than they truly are. Thus, extremes should always be avoided, as they inevitably provoke suspicion of the opposite.
About Dreams:
It can be said that a dream is “the stone the builders rejected, which has become the cornerstone.”
However, if, following certain technical rules, the dreamer is encouraged to recount the details of what they saw, it becomes clear that their associations possess a particular direction and group around specific themes. These themes have personal significance and carry meaning that cannot be guessed but, as careful comparison has shown, are firmly connected to the surface façade.
This unique complex of ideas, in which all the threads of the dream converge, is the sought-after conflict, or rather, a variation of it conditioned by circumstances. According to Freud, the painful and irreconcilable elements of the conflict are so hidden or erased that one can speak of “wish fulfillment.”
In Freud’s view, there are unconscious desires whose nature is incompatible with the ideas of the waking mind — distressing desires that a person prefers not to acknowledge. Freud sees these desires as the true architects of the dream.
If we carefully trace the history of a neurosis, we will inevitably discover a specific critical moment when a problem arose that the patient tried to avoid. Such a reaction is as natural and common as laziness, apathy, cowardice, anxiety, ignorance, and unconsciousness, all of which underpin it.
As Freud asserts, dream analysis is “the royal road to the unconscious.” It leads directly to the innermost secrets of the personality and, consequently, can become an invaluable tool in the hands of a physician and engineer of the human soul.
“I have an internal conflict regarding a dream about my mother — an intriguing thought…”
Proponents of Freud’s method of investigation sought to prove that the erotic, or sexual, factor plays a primary role in the origin of a pathogenic conflict. According to this theory, the inclinations of the conscious mind conflict with the amoral, incompatible unconscious desires. These unconscious desires are infantile — originating in childhood and no longer fitting into the present — and are therefore repressed for moral reasons.
JUNE
Book Club:
At the beginning of the month, the guild begins a structured study of Nikolai Kun’s Legends and Myths of Ancient Greece.
June 2, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
Today, we concluded our first month of work with a final session on the topic of “Tints.” This was a particularly significant event — we held the First IOM Championship in Radiation in the history of the guild.
Previously, we had worked with Tints in pairs, trying to feel one another and create stories based on our partner’s Tint. Today’s session served as a kind of exam.
We formed a circle, and one participant would step behind the stage to generate any Tint before radiating it, one by one, to each of the 17 people in the circle. The task of the receivers was to sense the effect and record their impressions. The key was to feel first and analyze later.
After completing the full circle, the radiator would share their own experience and reveal the Tint they had been projecting. If the perception of the Tint matched between the sender and the receiver, both earned a point.
Amazingly, by the end, we had three champions: Alina Gilmetova, Tanya Mironova, and the young Evelina Pashovkina! The true victor was friendship, which is highly symbolic of our work.
To conclude the session, I offered to transmit a Tint to the learners. However, instead of a Tint, I used a pedagogical trick — I activated a Psychological Gesture (PG). This will be the theme of our next month.
Throughout this first month, I have been getting to know the learners more deeply, forming a personal connection with each. I carefully tracked my sensations while interacting with them. When they guessed which Tint I had sent, their answers were so precise that they filled me with deep joy.
Then, I revealed that I had not used a Tint at all, but rather a Psychological Gesture — now everyone is intrigued, because ahead of us lies an entirely new stage of shared creation!
June 3, 2024:
Classes were canceled — many attended the “Follow the Blue Bird” exhibition.
June 4, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
Today, we began our immersion into the topic of Psychological Gesture (PG).
As my mentor, the Lithuanian magician Gytis Padegimas, often reminds me:
“An actor who has grasped the essence of PG holds a peaceful weapon, comparable in power to a nuclear one.”
This vivid image illustrates the immense power contained within Psychological Gesture — despite its apparent simplicity, it has the ability to unlock the deepest layers of human nature.
I was amazed at how, from the very beginning, almost all learners intuitively found the correct Psychological Gesture.
My pedagogical principle is to explain nothing and demonstrate nothing at the start. This allows actors to discover their own paths rather than following imposed patterns.
One of the biggest mistakes made by teachers who claim to work with Chekhov’s Method is overloading learners with theory and imposing rigid frameworks too soon. If an actor is bombarded with information right away, they struggle to immerse themselves in feeling and improvisation. The fear of making a mistake steals their freedom of action, and they become prisoners of their own fears.
Today, I carefully led the group toward performing the Psychological Gesture. Once everyone had done it, I announced:
“Congratulations! You have just performed the very Psychological Gesture from Michael Chekhov’s Method.”
This moment unlocked a new level of ease and inspiration for our work ahead.
Our second month has begun on a high note!
The theme of the month is Psychological Gesture — we are stepping into a new and profound process.
Onward!
Book Club / Pavel Safronov:
A myth is not a fabrication, not fiction — it is reality. Chaos. Tarrrr taaaAAAarrr. From darkness came light, from light — darkness. A sky without a father, mountains without a father, a sea without an old man. The earth — “F,” the sky — “M.” The sky despised its children. Uranus cunningly locked time within his wife’s depths. Horror, discord, deceit, struggle, and misfortune — these gods brought into the world, and thus the world was created.
Zeus weeps, laces, counts, counts. Swords strike shields. Giant mountains charge into battle, hundred-handed, fifty-headed giants rise from Gaia’s depths. The eternal abyss trembles. The gods shudder in terror. The seas boil. The kettle whistles: gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. The air burns.
When the thunderer triumphed over Uranus… The man with the trident — is that the sea? Hades — hell? Eternal joyous endless summer. The Romans had Vulcan. At feasts, destinies are decided.
I am weary of poverty in the streets and Themis the blasphemer. The gods love the Moirai. Poseidon — the earth-shaker, the trickster, and Nereus — the noble one. Everything flows, everything moves. The ocean — now that’s something!
June 4, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
Today, many pleasantly surprised me! The homework was done honestly and without pantomime, which is a key indicator of our progress. The main focus of the lesson was studying the structure of a plastic étude.
We also talked a lot about music and, using one talented learner as an example, analyzed different interpretations of ideas through the body. We are gradually approaching the material.
Book Club / Valentina Shulga:
Gaia — Earth, the fertile goddess, grew enraged at Zeus for defeating the Titans and gave birth to the hundred-headed monster Typhon.
I think about how fertility manifests in different ways. A seed. A seed will sprout, just as water will find its crack.
So, for “peace” to be established, something old must be destroyed, and everything must begin again. Zeus is totalitarian, which suggests an artificial world — after all, a monopoly always leads to another war.
June 5, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
Today, we dove into one of the most difficult and often inaccessible parts of the Autonic Horizon (compass) — the drive toward death.
I gave many examples and spoke about our troubled world, on whose shoulders we stand, naively believing our feet won’t slip. We balance on the edge, like children, miraculously not tumbling into the abyss.
We discussed Shakespeare, whose presence in the guild feels like the tide — rising and falling. Careful reading is crucial, even in translations by our great authors, where precise insights can be found.
How fortunate that alongside the guild, our reading club thrives! Legends and Myths of Ancient Greece are filling us now, and I see the tension on the learners’ faces.
Everything is a process.
June 9, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
Our second lesson on Psychological Gesture.
In the previous class, we approached PG through the lens of the Feeling of Wholeness.
I firmly believe that jumping straight to applying PG to a character or action verb robs learners of deeper understanding. First, one must grasp the essence of the gesture — recognizing that it can be drawn from any source, living or inanimate.
Today, we explored PGs of different characters. We began with PG for Konstantin Sergeyevich Stanislavsky, looking at his portrait. Each learner expressed their interpretation through gesture, based on their personal feelings. Then came a cascade of other characters.
But the most important moment happened at the end.
I asked each learner to see themselves as a character. We detached from our bodies and observed ourselves from the outside to uncover the essence of our personal character.
For many, PGs began to emerge organically. They were open and sincere in their manifestations.
To conclude, I asked them to feel the Tints they associate with their own character.
Standing in a circle with their eyes closed, I said:
“Perhaps what you felt did not bring you joy. But this character (you) is not yet at the middle of their journey. Let us hope that most of their story is still ahead. Where they go and who they become depends on every decision you make from this moment forward.”
This inspired and uplifted them — the realization that everything depends on them.
June 10, 2024: Creative Residency in Samarkand
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
To be honest, I was worried about missing a class due to my creative residency, but the learners stayed in touch, which was a wonderful surprise!
I gave them a challenging task, which turned out to be perfect timing as we near the closing of the guilds.
I am now in beautiful Samarkand. The local architecture and culture are inspiring.
It’s fascinating how theater is perceived differently in different places.
I am facing a personal challenge — working with a new team and trying to introduce a different culture to the concept of Psychological Gesture and embodying an image through body and mind.
Every person is unique, and I am certain that these new experiences will enhance my professional skills, which I will bring back to Moscow.
Book Club / Roxana Ruinskaya:
People create gods. The more they worship, the grander the gods become — their thrones gilded, their cloaks more opulent.
Myths are filled with fateful punishments.
For example, Marsyas died because of a cursed flute, and Actaeon became prey instead of a hunter.
But it seems their punishments were not really for directly offending the gods.
Some divine actions resemble children’s games — stealing cows and pretending to be asleep.
In myths, youth is the ultimate treasure.
To be beautiful is to be young.
June 10, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
Today’s session was extended by an hour due to the absence of Elizaveta Yuryevna, who traveled for a creative residency in Tashkent.
We began with a poem by a new participant, Angelina, who turned out to be a delightful surprise for our guild.
Then, our session naturally shifted from exercises to a short performance.
Many participants saw, from the outside, things they usually overlook when completely absorbed in interacting with a partner.
From the unconscious, deep and intense narratives emerged, making it a privilege to witness them.
In the interaction between Nini and Alina, I saw Salome’s dance before Herod.
But it was not a mere illustration — it was a concentrated expression of inner processes, a reminder of the premonition of loss, the kind you sense long before it happens.
June 11, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
Today’s session was tense. I had to be strict.
I cannot understand how an actor-in-training can allow himself to chat with a girl while the teacher is answering an important question — all while standing barely a meter away from me, looking right at me.
Then I caught another learner using her phone.
When I directly confronted her, she lied. I quickly exposed it.
Interestingly, both incidents occurred while I was trying to convey something crucial.
They simply weren’t ready to hear it.
This is neither good nor bad — just a fact.
By the end, several learners came to apologize for their peers’ behavior and thanked me for the lesson.
Even the girls in the hallway said:
“How wonderful that today you were so strict! We needed that.”
Well then, I will continue to educate.
I will have to introduce new measures.
They have only themselves to blame.
Book Club / Pavel Safronov:
“When religious fanaticism reaches the point of self-mutilation or even self-immolation, it would be sheer ignorance to claim that the mythological triggers at play are nothing more than mere invention.”
Trade is theft.
The speed of a nerve impulse in myelinated nerves reaches 120 meters per second or 430 kilometers per hour.
There’s something in Narcissus and Pygmalion.
“Beauty kills beautifully.” Beauty… Could it all be in a single glass? Maybe with ice? What is it that resonates within us in response to harmonious noise? Maybe that is what makes us human.
I can’t remain indifferent to Hermes. Why is he such a scoundrel? He gets away with everything and will continue to — until someone kills him.
And Ares… So little is said about him, yet he is the most intriguing — the antihero. He is the only one I believe in; he is real because he suffers.
June 11, 2024: Creative Residency in Samarkand
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
Today, there was a surprise for the learners! The topic of physical release and removing tension remains relevant, so I asked for a ballroom dance masterclass to be held.
Here’s what the teacher wrote:
“I had the opportunity to immerse myself in the plastic dance guild and conduct a ballroom dance masterclass. It was an unforgettable experience! It was such a joy to see everyone gaining grace and confidence in their movements. This session allowed me to view ballroom dance from a new perspective and understand how it can fit into the broader context of plastic arts!”
Milena Matvievich
Many later wrote:
“So beautiful, yet so difficult.”
I’m glad this might become a catalyst for their artistic growth.
June 12, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
Today, we explored symbols.
Learners attempted to deepen their self-awareness by observing others.
I was very pleased, especially with Valya, Asya, Pavel Safronov, and Pavel Yuster.
After the presentations, we discussed the future and symbols that have the potential to change the essence of human existence.
Roxana Ruinskaya amazed me with her artistic interpretation of Asya’s symbol — it was one of the strongest impressions of the day.
Her talent is undeniable.
June 12, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
Today, our guild received heartbreaking news:
A wonderful girl named Tanya Medvedeva lost her battle with a severe illness and passed away.
Let her name remain on the pages of this book.
We did not know her personally, nor did she know us, but through a charitable foundation, we supported her and loved her.
She became a part of our guild.
During a break, I told Pasha Safronov a story about an 11-year-old boy who said that he would rather suffer himself than see his loved ones endure what he experiences every day.
I wanted Pasha to understand that even in the face of great sorrow, it is possible to remain human and hold on to our humanity.
June 14, 2024: Guild Learner / Yulia Vorobyeva:
In Autonics sessions, we prepare weekly assignments.
We observe someone in our group, analyze their essence, identify their symbol, and then present it as an étude.
Yesterday, they portrayed me — it was delicate and precise.
They depicted me through the image of the wind, a thin translucent fabric swaying on a wooden hand.
It was so accurate that I recognized myself in it.
But during the presentation, a terrifying thought struck me:
“That would truly be me — if that fabric had caught fire at the end.”
I pushed the thought aside, but today it returned.
Maybe this symbolizes the destruction of something old and outlived within me?
June 16, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
Today, we began reading Charles Dickens’ The Cricket on the Hearth.
I chose this piece because Mikhail Alexandrovich Chekhov played one of the lead roles (Caleb) in the stage adaptation.
Our task is to familiarize ourselves with the characters and then assign each of them a Psychological Gesture.
Unfortunately, we didn’t manage to finish the story, so we’ll continue in the next session.
When I realized we were running out of time, I asked the learners if anyone already knew how the story ends — only two people raised their hands.
So, I assigned them homework:
To find the Psychological Gestures of the characters based on their current emotions, without knowing the final outcome.
On Tuesday, we’ll finish the story and see how their gestures evolve.
Book Club / Roxana Ruinskaya:
Night, moon, dawn, and sun. Riding across the sky in a chariot drawn by black horses is the goddess Nyx. Then follows the goddess of the Moon, dressed in white robes, a crescent adorning her headdress. Her light is sorrowful with love, followed by the goddess of Dawn, and soon after — the god of the Sun.
What a beautiful description! I reread it several times.
The story of Phaethon… When I read that he threw himself upon his mother’s breast, complaining of insults, I knew his fate would be tragic. He was full of vanity, even though he knew the truth. Helios, despite knowing the consequences, could not refuse him either. I believe Helios was disappointed in his son.
June 17, 2024: Creative Residency in Fergana
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
I am still working on a production, but now in a different city in Uzbekistan — Fergana.
The work is moving swiftly, and now I am immersed in comedy.
Here, the attitude toward theater is entirely different.
In this case, our main challenge is to avoid taking the easy path and instead strive to introduce something of greater value than mere entertainment into their small world.
June 18, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
How wonderful it is to meet your person!
The joy of realizing trust exists between you is overwhelming.
It is inspiring and fulfilling when you want to give something to another person, and they genuinely accept it.
When they recognize the value of what you offer.
And when the level of trust allows you to touch on deeply personal topics, making you sacredly guard their secrets.
I believe this is how the foundation is laid for long-term, fruitful collaboration that goes beyond the usual teacher-student or director-actor relationship.
It can grow into true friendship.
Today, I had two such conversations, both of which brought me immense happiness.
One was outside of school, and the other — after class.
I am grateful to have such people in my life.
June 18, 2024: Creative Residency in Fergana
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
I am so grateful to be surrounded by like-minded and kindred spirits!
Today’s session was led by Maxim Isakov — someone with whom we talk about the same things but in different ways.
His teaching approach, as noted by the learners, complements mine perfectly.
Maxim conducted a power yoga masterclass, focusing on physical interaction:
“They are so thoughtful! They asked many questions, eager to understand everything. We truly enjoyed the process. If they’ve grasped this, complex interactions will come easily.“Maxim Isakov
June 19, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
For the first half of the session, we practiced unconscious impulse work in the “Gravity” exercise.
We are trying to move away from illustration, as its primary cause is the fear of being misunderstood.
This is a mental cage that destroys freedom.
When the exercise naturally transitioned into a performance, I want to highlight the interaction between Pavel Yuster and Alexandra Kamyshan.
Pasha embodied a creator and leader, while Alexandra became a sculpture he fell in love with.
It was so captivating that it could have evolved into a full production.
But as soon as the task shifted, the magic vanished — the unconscious mechanisms of male-female interaction took over.
Then, we presented the symbols the learners had brought.
Unfortunately, theatricality crept in, which diminished sincerity.
The only successful symbol was Anisia Ledovskaya’s symbol for Alexandra Kamyshan.
In the third hour, we began analyzing Macbeth, focusing extensively on the world-building of the play.
Book Club / Yulia Vorobyeva:
The story of Pygmalion felt sad to me, despite its happy ending, which makes it different from many other myths.
Narcissus — a flower of death?
Oh, I didn’t know that.
It feels like a lot of similar things are happening in our time.
The line between “loving oneself for one’s own and others’ benefit” and “loving oneself like Narcissus” turns out to be very thin.
Anemones — such beautiful flowers.
Now, knowing their mythological history, I will look at them differently, with greater understanding.
Eros symbolizes both joy and sorrow, good and evil, all born from love — so many contrasts in one god!
And Hephaestus…
There is something so touching about him, despite his roughness and angularity.
You can feel warmth and kindness in him, which is especially surprising, given that he is considered “ugly” by divine standards.
When you know the story and text, everything around you begins to feel different.
Nothing appears by chance — every event, symbol, and image gains new meaning.
June 24, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
Today, we gathered once again in the hall, though not everyone was present.
A rather broad assignment was given, and for some, the boundaries felt too restrictive, while others tried to bypass them or use them creatively.
Two people impressed me the most.
Nature has gifted them many talents, and it’s incredible to see how they are learning to use them to the fullest.
We are beginning meticulous work on the interaction between music and the body.
Many perceive music as mere background, which is completely incorrect, especially when the musical composition is of high quality.
We must learn to listen, listen, and listen again!
June 25, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
Today’s session began with watching performances from those who were unable to present their homework yesterday.
Many strive not for detailed character development but instead rush into plot creation.
Of course, not everyone succeeded, but the impulse in this direction is promising.
Through a new training, we explored issues of coordination, musicality, and responsibility toward one’s partner.
Each learner conducted an “orchestra” according to their own vision and musical material.
Most participants are naturally musical, able to perceive different layers of music and its unique textures.
Next, we moved to trio work, where each learner had to manage two partners simultaneously, both moving within their own distinct rhythmic patterns.
Overall, I am very pleased with today’s results.
June 25, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Ivan Viktorovich Dementyev:
Due to a lack of discipline, I am forced to tighten the rules of the Guild.
Here is the message I sent to the group chat last night:
“And so!
Konstantin Sergeyevich bears witness — I did not want this, and I warned you all!
New rules for the Guild of the Chekhov Method:
1. If a phone is not turned off during class:
• Observers will be dismissed from the session and banned from the Guild for one month.
• Guild members will be expelled from the lesson, suspended for two weeks, and demoted to observer status.
2. We will now take a group photo at the start of every lesson.
3. The 5-minute tardiness rule no longer applies!
4. When the instructor enters the room, everyone must be seated in a circle, without phones. (Use notebooks for notes.)
5. Once the instructor closes the door, there must be absolute silence!
This is the new standard.”
June 26, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
At the beginning of the session, we watched an étude-symbol brought by Angelina Puzikova.
The symbol was about me, and I still struggle to remain composed when watching such things.
It was incredibly precise, but it also left me feeling uneasy.
I realize that I am willing to give them everything and expect nothing in return, yet their kindness softens me, like bread soaked in water, and I begin to drown in subjectivity and the illusions of the world.
In the second part of the session, I awarded each learner with a badge bearing our Guild’s symbol!
For them, this was a significant milestone — they are now official bearers of the Autonic System.
We continued to deepen our work in associative and symbolic artistic language, focusing on Macbeth.
Only by the end of the session did true understanding, transformation, and engagement emerge!
June 27, 2024: First Public Theater Guild
Each Guild has now appointed head learners:
• Guild of Autonics — Roxana Ruinskaya
• Guild of Plastic Theater — Pavel Yuster
• Guild of the M. Chekhov Method — Nini Lemann
Congratulations to the new leaders!
The Guilds’ work will now continue with their support.
Fabulist / Guild Learner — Mikhail Russkikh:
A month upon a swan’s tail,
Be it black or be it white,
Glided swiftly o’er our fields,
Where passion burns so bright.
Vaults sealed by time behind us stand,
Layered thrice, concealed, unknown,
Within each chamber — secrets form,
And leave their nest when they are grown.
Seasons carve their own distinctions—
Some take flight, while some find roots,
In the search for meaning’s essence,
Each cell dives in its pursuit.
Misty myths weave through our readings,
Chirps now filled with archetypes,
And we have waited for Elizaveta,
Returning from her touring rites.
Book Club / Roxana Ruinskaya:
The story of Theseus is astonishing.
His feats are breathtaking — he was not just a brave and handsome hero, but a symbol of Athenian statehood.
The more I learn about him, the greater his cult appears.
His actions, from defeating the Minotaur to descending into the Underworld, are impressive.
Yet I find his Underworld journey reckless and foolhardy.
The tragedy of his father, Aegeus, who leapt into the sea after hearing false news of his son’s death, shows how deeply Theseus’ fate was intertwined with grand deeds and symbols.
His ritual purification after shedding blood carries deep symbolism.
Book Club / Victoria Kurbanova:
Honestly, I didn’t know that Heracles acted under the orders of the cowardly Eurystheus.
I’ve read up to his ninth labor, and the story that struck me most was the one about Admetus.
Though Admetus was meant to die, he sent his wife to the Underworld instead.
Then, consumed by grief, he was ready to follow her.
This situation feels strange — Admetus comes off as a coward, unwilling to accept his fate.
Meanwhile, Heracles proved himself a true warrior, defeating Thanatos and bringing Alcestis back.
However, it saddens me that despite all his strength, Heracles was forced to serve Eurystheus.
Eurystheus seemed like a man who had no idea what he truly wanted.
Heracles’ labors were merely a tool for Eurystheus to destroy him.
And yet, I kept wondering:
Why did Heracles so obediently carry out his commands, never defying them even once?
JULY
July 1, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
Today, we officially began working with material.
There were many debates, though not everyone participated.
For the first time, I had the thought that some might not make it to the end with us.
However, there were more positive moments, and about eight learners pleased me with their thoughts and ambitions.
The main difficulties arose from linear thinking and the rejection of alternative perspectives.
I am trying to understand the nature of this process.
July 1, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
Despite the abnormal heat in Moscow, our sessions are always accompanied by storms and rain.
The beginning of the lesson was dedicated to perception, and I noted an important point:
Learners are trying to cross the threshold from “themselves” to freedom.
They must not dream but be the dream — for themselves and for their partners.
This helps them approach the structure of the unconscious and psychological phenomena.
Gradually, they are mastering this new language, learning to speak it not only with themselves but with others.
Next, we had a demonstration of associative exercises for two impulses:
• “Impulse”
• “Unfolding”
I was very pleased with their execution.
We then assigned roles for excerpts from William Shakespeare’s Macbeth:
• Angelina Puzikova — Nini Lemann
• Valentina Shulga — Sergey Bosov
• Yulia Vorobyova — Lima Rasulova
• Alina Balakina — Mikhail Russkikh
• Roxana Ruinskaya — Pavel Yuster
In the second part of the session, learners read their short stories.
This was a profound experience, so much so that we decided to create a Guild book.
Each story is important to me, as they reveal the depth of learners’ immersion in the process of world-building.
All the stories created a feeling of genuine artistic “heart-stopping” moments.
Title: Shirts with Creases
Author: Yulia Vorobyova
How quickly clouds transform.
A mere moment — and everything has changed.
They live their own lives, parallel to ours.
We can watch them endlessly, yet we will never truly know the stories they live.
The house was filled with the stifling heat of a July afternoon.
Even the ice in the freezer felt hot.
The suitcase was nearly packed, except for the laundry still drying in the bathroom.
In a couple of hours, it would be ready to fold, but the train wouldn’t depart for another twelve.
Was there any point in folding it so early?
It would wrinkle, become crumpled, and develop creases that would serve as a reminder of how long it had lain there.
The smoke of a cigarette filled the room, making the air dense.
By evening, the heat had worsened, and a puddle formed beneath the fridge.
I had to take a shirt from the suitcase and toss it under the fridge.
“Dear passengers, the train from Platform One will depart in two minutes…”
He waited, but she never came.
The train slowly pulled away from the station, and out the window, shirts with creases flew.
It no longer mattered — they would never be ironed out.
July 2, 2024: Guild of the M. Chekhov Method
Guest: Anastasia Vladislavovna Xenofontova
Today, I was introduced to the learners.
At first, there was some resistance, but by the middle of the session, it melted away, transforming into interest and acceptance.
During the training, vivid and metaphorical images emerged, leading us to unexpected discoveries.
The key image that arose was “Birth.”
It felt as if we had known each other for a long time, understanding one another without words.
It was joyful to witness how the session unlocked the creativity of each participant.
Book Club / Valentina Shulga:
Hercules seems like an awkward giant, crushing everything around him, yet he has a kind heart.
Theseus, on the other hand, represents precision and self-improvement.
When he heard of Persephone, he knew he would overextend himself, as he was aware of his own limits.
Meleager’s wife, in asking him to save the city, ultimately lost him — like a piece of cotton in a barrel of honey.
The cypress and the deer — like spears at one’s own knees.
The friendship between Cyparissus and Apollo — like fuchsia-colored curls and bare feet in the grass.
The myth of Orpheus and Eurydice is my favorite.
Orpheus’ death — like a predator’s fangs sinking into a marshmallow.
Orpheus in the underworld — like a wedding without bells.
The friendship between Hyacinthus and Apollo — like a swan in combat boots, a sunbeam caught in hair.
A lovesick cyclops — a symbol in itself.
The story of Atreus’ envy toward his brother Thyestes — like biting your mother’s lips while she sleeps.
Esacus, living against his will — like a sugared berry, hardened over time.
July 2, 2024: Guild of Plastics and Dance
Elizaveta Yuryevna Matvievich:
This was an intense day, full of emotion!
I assigned a task: listen to playlists and create verbal associations with scenes and character interactions.
I had been gathering music throughout the week while watching the river (we joke about this now).
There were two playlists, differing in style.
Unfortunately, only half the group participated in the discussion.
One student said:
“I don’t understand how to listen.”
That surprised me.
I had thought that music would guide them.
Not knowing what else to do, I gave the groups a new task:
Choose music within 15 minutes and create a sketch based on one of the chapters.
And then — a miracle happened!
One group chose a dynamic approach, while the other focused on imagery.
Everything was honest and diverse.
This revealed two entirely different conceptual approaches, and the most important thing:
They came from the learners, not the music!
I immediately shared my plans, and we all felt a surge of energy and confidence.
Plan for next week:
• Finalize the material
• Select matching music
Uzbekistan is calling me away for another week, but lessons will continue online.
Our “plastic readings” promise to be fun!
I hope we manage to get everything done in time!
Title: Ad Astra
Author: Pavel Yuster
Guild: Autonic System under the guidance of Roman Akimov
Long ago, in a world far from our own, there lived two beings — Miro and Eda.
Their hearts beat in sync with the universe, and they possessed magic capable of transforming everything — love.
When Earth stood on the brink of catastrophe, they came to help.
Light and warmth spread where there had been only darkness.
People learned to live in harmony, but an enemy — a black mist — rose against them.
Through deception, it managed to separate them, but the people, united by love, came to their aid.
July 3, 2024: Guild of Autonics
Roman Evgenievich Akimov:
Moscow is experiencing abnormal heat, but our sessions began with autonic warm-ups focused on the unconscious and striving forward.
Learners demonstrated associative responses to the impulses:
• Step
• Explosion
• Resistance
• Overcoming
I was particularly impressed by Roxana Ruinskaya and Alexandra Kamyshan — their associations were precise and charged with energy.
The rest of the group is gradually catching up to this level.
In the second part of the session, students demonstrated symbols for one another.
A special mention goes to Pavel Safronov, who created a detailed symbol for Valentina Shulga:
Her essence was represented as a table in a distant French café, which blossomed with flowers before fading away, leaving no trace.
The third part of the lesson focused on world-building, and Aline Balakina made a significant breakthrough.
P.S.
The medical examination results for Angelina Puzikova came back — she is healthy.
This is a great joy for all of us!
Alina Balakina. I Am.
Knock-knock… knock-knock… Knock… Knock… knocccckkkk… beeeeeep…
I… aaaam… liiiight… myyyy… I… am… liiight…
Liiiiiight…
I…
Am…
My…
Light… Light… ssssssssssssssss…
INHALE!!!
Have you ever stopped to wonder how many pores cover the surface of your skin?
I bet this thought rarely crosses anyone’s mind.
All the useless clutter that destroys us from within finds its way to us effortlessly, yet the truly important thoughts — never.
Now imagine — you are made of billions of windows.
And in a single moment, they fling open, letting in the ocean breeze.
Tons of oxygen flood your home, filling everything with the freshness of early morning, reviving every single cell in your body.
That exact feeling made me take the deepest, most conscious, and unforgettable breath of my life.
A real, living breath.
My eyes opened on their own.
But I wasn’t looking around — my gaze turned inward.
I saw myself, I recognized myself, I felt myself.
For the first time, I claimed my name.
It had nothing in common with the one I had heard for so many years.
Now, it sounded like nothing but a collection of strange, meaningless sounds.
Ames.
My name is A-M-E-Ssss.
I don’t know about you, but I love rolling this word around in my mouth.
Letting it hiss like a snake, singing it like a lullaby.
Now, it’s whole.
Something completely formed.
A little divine, even…
It carries the scent of ancient marble, it vibrates like the sound of a droplet falling onto a taut string.
How did I live without it before?
Now, I wanted to stand and feel the tone of my own body.
I gave in to this urge.
And just the thought of it made a sunrise happen.
My body rose, effortlessly and freely.
The realization came — today, I am a tenor.
High, thin, resonant.
The usual heaviness was gone.
I think they call this floating.
Flying.
That’s it.
Our thoughts give wings to the body.
They ignite the spark that lifts us upward.
Why hadn’t I flown like this before?
The feeling of soaring filled me, electrifying my veins.
I was about to overflow with it, and it felt like I was about to burst from these sensations.
I wanted to pour out like Vesuvius’ lava.
To crash like storm waves against the cliffs.
I wanted to spread like a hurricane across the earth, infecting everyone with this revelation, this joy of awakening.
A scream rang out.
It was my scream.
Yet I had made no sound.
The scream existed separately from me, rolling like thunderclaps.
Now distant, now right beside me.
I couldn’t believe what I had discovered.
To tame a scream!
To make it live on its own, obeying only my thoughts.
Curiosity crept in.
What else could I do now?
How far had I gone in self-control?
Focus. Right now.
A second.
Let the thought in.
The warmest thought.
No, not about myself — it doesn’t warm me.
Not about the future — too early a joy.
Not backward, not forward.
What’s left?
Deeper.
Dive into the very essence of myself.
And I plunged.
Mariana Trench.
A dark ocean all around.
Objects… So many things…
How much useless stuff I’ve gathered in life…
There — old toys…
Surprisingly, I remember each one by touch…
Mom’s books…
I recall the smell of the rough, yellowed pages…
Dad’s clothes…
I wore his denim jacket for another ten years…
And then—
Your letter!
Twisted black symbols on rough paper…
Text. All text.
I remember it.
It has been etched into my ribs.
I try to recall.
Where are you?
I remember your scent — sea salt mixed with jasmine’s sweetness.
I remember your collarbones, speckled with freckles.
I remember your eyes, carrying the weight of the world, shining through the green of the fields.
I remember the feeling of home…
But I can’t remember where you are now.
Why am I completely alone?
— Everything is inside you. All the answers. You just refuse to truly look.
— So I’m not alone?! Who are you?
— If I tell you, you won’t believe me. Not yet. You’re not ready.
“For what?” — the thought flashed through my mind.
But before I could shape it into words, everything inside me shook.
As if my organs, neatly arranged, had been rattled by an oncoming storm.
— See? You remember everything. Your core responded. Your body remembers. But your mind is strong — it locks you away.
I didn’t want to answer.
Since Sasha had already been transferred to the listeners’ group due to absences, she will now have a month-long break from sessions.
July 10, 2024: Autonics guild
I couldn’t swallow.
The lightness dissolved.
What’s my name?
My name?!
Not a single letter in my mind…
— Now you are remembering. You only think you’re lost. It’s the opposite — the horizon has flipped. You are finding yourself. Now it begins!
Where’s my tamed scream?
Everything inside me wanted to turn on the siren, but I couldn’t make a sound.
Come on! Scream!!!
My throat clamped shut.
Instead of the expected cry, nausea hit me.
Every joint twisted inward.
My skin burned from the heat.
My head spun.
Everything blurred.
The voice didn’t stop—
— Let the truth in! Let go of illusions! Don’t hold onto them — it’s all a lie! Break the chains!
I didn’t know what the hell it meant, but I desperately wanted one thing — for it to stop.
A searing spear shot through my skull.
A horrific, grating pain.
Can a voice alone break every bone in a body?
Breathe! BREATHE!!!
Images vibrated in my temples!
A house… an old wooden house beside a tall, sprawling pine…
Bushes of white roses all around…
The scent of freshly cut grass…
Blending with the warmth of baked bread…
And… jasmine!
INHALE!
Something stabbed my chest.
This is our house!
I am home.
Enter.
— Don’t be afraid! Fear is only a shield. You are ready. Let it go.
I stepped inside…
White paint…
Light furniture…
Gentle lace curtains breathing in every room…
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