Бесплатный фрагмент - The Alchemist

Dramatis Personae

FACE, the Housekeeper.

DOL COMMON, their Colleague.

DAPPER, a Lawyer’s Clerk.

DRUGGER, a Tobacco Man.

LOVEWIT, Master of the House.

SIR EPICURE MAMMON, a Knight.

PERTINAX SURLY, a Gamester.

TRIBULATION WHOLESOME, a Pastor of Amsterdam.

ANANIAS, a Deacon there.

KASTRIL, the angry Boy.

DAME PLIANT, his Sister, a Widow.

Neighbours.

Officers, Attendants, etc.

SCENE, — LONDON.

A r g u m e n t

T he sickness hot, a master quit, for fear,

H is house in town, and left one servant there;

E ase him corrupted, and gave means to know

A Cheater, and his punk; who now brought low,

L eaving their narrow practice, were become

C ozeners at large; and only wanting some

H ouse to set up, with him they here contract,

E ach for a share, and all begin to act.

M uch company they draw, and much abuse,

I n casting figures, telling fortunes, news,

S elling of flies, flat bawdry with the stone,

T ill it, and they, and all in fume are gone.

P r o l o g u e

Fortune, that favours fools, these two short hours,

We wish away, both for your sakes and ours,

Judging spectators; and desire, in place,

To the author justice, to ourselves but grace.

Our scene is London, ’cause we would make known,

No country’s mirth is better than our own:

No clime breeds better matter for your whore,

Bawd, squire, impostor, many persons more,

Whose manners, now call’d humours, feed the stage;

And which have still been subject for the rage

Or spleen of comic writers.

Though this pen

Did never aim to grieve, but better men;

Howe’er the age he lives in doth endure

The vices that she breeds, above their cure.

But when the wholesome remedies are sweet,

And in their working gain and profit meet,

He hopes to find no spirit so much diseased,

But will with such fair correctives be pleased:

For here he doth not fear who can apply.

If there be any that will sit so nigh

Unto the stream, to look what it doth run,

They shall find things, they’d think or wish were done;

They are so natural follies, but so shewn,

As even the doers may see, and yet not own.

ACT 1

SCENE 1.1

A ROOM IN LOVEWIT’S HOUSE. ENTER FACE, IN A CAPTAIN’S UNIFORM, WITH HIS SWORD DRAWN, ANDSUBTLE WITH A VIAL, QUARRELLING, AND FOLLOWED BY DOL COMMON.

FACE. Believe ’t, I will.

SUB. Thy worst. I fart at thee.

DOL. Have you your wits?

why, gentlemen! for love —

FACE. Sirrah, I’ll strip you —

SUB. What to do? lick figs Out at my —

FACE. Rogue, rogue! — out of all your sleights.

DOL. Nay, look ye, sovereign, general, are you madmen?

SUB. O, let the wild sheep loose. I’ll gum your silks

With good strong water, an you come.

DOL. Will you have

The neighbours hear you? will you betray all?

Hark! I hear somebody.

FACE. Sirrah —

SUB. I shall marAll that the tailor has made, if you approach.

FACE. You most notorious whelp, you insolent slave,

Dare you do this?

SUB. Yes, faith; yes, faith.

FACE. Why, who

Am I, my mungrel? who am I?

SUB. I’ll tell you.,Since you know not yourself.

FACE. Speak lower, rogue.

SUB. Yes, you were once (time’s not long past) the good,

Honest, plain, livery-three-pound-thrum, that kept

Your master’s worship’s house here in the Friars,

For the vacations —

FACE. Will you be so loud?

SUB. Since, by my means, translated suburb-captain.

FACE. By your means, doctor dog!

SUB. Within man’s memory,

All this I speak of.

FACE. Why, I pray you, have I

Been countenanced by you, or you by me?

Do but collect, sir, where I met you first.

SUB. I do not hear well.

FACE. Not of this, I think it.

But I shall put you in mind, sir; — at Pie-corner,

Taking your meal of steam in, from cooks’ stalls,

Where, like the father of hunger, you did walk

Piteously costive, with your pinch’d-horn-nose,

And your complexion of the

Roman wash,

Stuck full of black and melancholic worms,

Like powder corns shot at the artillery-yard.

SUB. I wish you could advance your voice a little.

FACE. When you went pinn’d up in the several rags

You had raked and pick’d from dunghills, before day;

Your feet in mouldy slippers, for your kibes;

A felt of rug, and a thin threaden cloke,

That scarce would cover your no buttocks —

SUB. So, sir!

FACE. When all your alchemy, and your algebra,

Your minerals, vegetals, and animals,

Your conjuring, cozening, and your dozen of trades,

Could not relieve your corps with so much linen

Would make you tinder, but to see a fire;

I gave you countenance, credit for your coals,

Your stills, your glasses, your materials;

Built you a furnace, drew you customers,

Advanced all your black arts; lent you, beside,

A house to practise in —

SUB. Your master’s house!

FACE. Where you have studied the more thriving skill

Of bawdry since.

SUB. Yes, in your master’s house.

You and the rats here kept possession.

Make it not strange.

I know you were one could keep

The buttery-hatch still lock’d, and save the chippings,

Sell the dole beer to aqua-vitae men,

The which, together with your

Christmas vailsAt post-and-pair, your letting out of counters,

Made you a pretty stock, some twenty marks,

And gave you credit to converse with cobwebs,

Here, since your mistress’ death hath broke up house.

FACE. You might talk softlier, rascal.

SUB. No, you scarab, I’ll thunder you in pieces:

I will teach you

How to beware to tempt a

Fury again,

That carries tempest in his hand and voice.

FACE. The place has made you valiant.

SUB. No, your clothes. —

Thou vermin, have I ta’en thee out of dung,

So poor, so wretched, when no living thing

Would keep thee company, but a spider, or worse?

Rais’d thee from brooms, and dust, and watering-pots,

Sublimed thee, and exalted thee,

and fix’d theeIn the third region,

call’d our state of grace?

Wrought thee to spirit, to quintessence, with pains

Would twice have won me the philosopher’s work?

Put thee in words and fashion, made thee fit

For more than ordinary fellowships?

Giv’n thee thy oaths, thy quarrelling dimensions,

Thy rules to cheat at horse-race, cock-pit, cards,

Dice, or whatever gallant tincture else?

Made thee a second in mine own great art?

And have I this for thanks!

Do you rebel,

Do you fly out in the projection?

Would you be gone now?

DOL. Gentlemen, what mean you? Will you mar all?

SUB. Slave, thou hadst had no name —

DOL. Will you undo yourselves with civil war?

SUB. Never been known, past equi clibanum,

The heat of horse-dung, under ground, in cellars,

Or an ale-house darker than deaf John’s; been lost

To all mankind, but laundresses and tapsters,

Had not I been.

DOL. Do you know who hears you, sovereign?

FACE. Sirrah —

DOL. Nay, general, I thought you were civil.

FACE. I shall turn desperate, if you grow thus loud.

SUB. And hang thyself, I care not.

FACE. Hang thee, collier,

And all thy pots, and pans, in picture,

I will, Since thou hast moved me —

DOL. O, this will o’erthrow all.

FACE. Write thee up bawd in Paul’s, have all thy tricks

Of cozening with a hollow cole, dust, scrapings,

Searching for things lost, with a sieve and sheers,

Erecting figures in your rows of houses,

And taking in of shadows with a glass,

Told in red letters; and a face cut for thee,

Worse than Gamaliel Ratsey’s.

DOL. Are you sound? Have you your senses, masters?

FACE. I will have

A book, but barely reckoning thy impostures,

Shall prove a true philosopher’s stone to printers.

SUB. Away, you trencher-rascal!

FACE. Out, you dog-leech!

The vomit of all prisons —

DOL. Will you be

Your own destructions, gentlemen?

FACE. Still spew’d out

For lying too heavy on the basket.

SUB. Cheater!

FACE. Bawd!

SUB. Cow-herd!

FACE. Conjurer!

SUB. Cut-purse!

FACE. Witch!

DOL. O me! We are ruin’d, lost! have you no more regard

To your reputations? where’s your judgment? ’slight,

Have yet some care of me, of your republic —

FACE. Away, this brach!

I’ll bring thee, rogue, within

The statute of sorcery, tricesimo tertio

Of Harry the Eighth: ay, and perhaps thy neck

Within a noose, for laundring gold and barbing it.

DOL [SNATCHES FACE’S SWORD].

You’ll bring your head withina cockscomb, will you?

And you, sir, with your menstrue —

[DASHES SUBTLE’S VIAL OUT OF HIS HAND.]

Gather it up. — «Sdeath, you abominable pair of stinkards,

Leave off your barking, and grow one again,

Or, by the light that shines,

I’ll cut your throats.

I’ll not be made a prey unto the marshal,

For ne’er a snarling dog-bolt of you both.

Have you together cozen’d all this while,

And all the world, and shall it now be said,

You’ve made most courteous shift to cozen yourselves?

[TO FACE.]

You will accuse him! you will «bring him in

Within the statute!»

Who shall take your word?

A whoreson, upstart, apocryphal captain,

Whom not a Puritan in Blackfriars will trust

So much as for a feather:

[TO SUBTLE.]

and you, too,

Will give the cause, forsooth! you will insult,

And claim a primacy in the divisions!

You must be chief! as if you only had

The powder to project with, and the work

Were not begun out of equality?

The venture tripartite? all things in common?

Without priority? «Sdeath! you perpetual curs,

Fall to your couples again, and cozen kindly,

And heartily, and lovingly, as you should,

And lose not the beginning of a term,

Or, by this hand, I shall grow factious too,

And take my part, and quit you.

FACE. «Tis his fault;

He ever murmurs, and objects his pains,

And says, the weight of all lies upon him.

SUB. Why, so it does.

DOL. How does it? do not weSustain our parts?

SUB. Yes, but they are not equal.

DOL. Why, if your part exceed to-day,

I hope Ours may, to-morrow match it.

SUB. Ay, they MAY.

DOL. May, murmuring mastiff! ay, and do.

Death on me! Help me to throttle him.

[SEIZES SUB. BY THE THROAT.]

SUB. Dorothy! mistress Dorothy!

«Ods precious, I’ll do any thing.

What do you mean?

DOL. Because o’ your fermentation and cibation?

SUB. Not I, by heaven —

DOL. Your Sol and Luna [TO FACE.] — help me.

SUB. Would I were hang’d then? I’ll conform myself.

DOL. Will you, sir? do so then, and quickly: swear.

SUB. What should I swear?

DOL. To leave your faction, sir,

And labour kindly in the common work.

SUB. Let me not breathe if I meant aught beside.

I only used those speeches as a spur To him.

DOL. I hope we need no spurs, sir. Do we?

FACE. «Slid, prove to-day, who shall shark best.

SUB. Agreed.

DOL. Yes, and work close and friendly.

SUB. «Slight, the knot

Shall grow the stronger for this breach, with me.

[THEY SHAKE HANDS.]

DOL. Why, so, my good baboons!

Shall we go make

A sort of sober, scurvy, precise neighbours,

That scarce have smiled twice since the king came in,

A feast of laughter at our follies?

Rascals,

Would run themselves from breath, to see me ride,

Or you t’ have but a hole to thrust your heads in,

For which you should pay ear-rent?

No, agree. And may don Provost ride a feasting long,

In his old velvet jerkin and stain’d scarfs,

My noble sovereign, and worthy general,

Ere we contribute a new crewel garter

To his most worsted worship.

SUB. Royal Dol! Spoken like Claridiana, and thyself.

FACE. For which at supper, thou shalt sit in triumph,

And not be styled Dol Common, but Dol Proper,

Dol Singular: the longest cut at night,

Shall draw thee for his Doll Particular.

[BELL RINGS WITHOUT.]

SUB. Who’s that? one rings.

To the window, Dol:

[EXIT DOL.] — pray heaven,

The master do not trouble us this quarter.

FACE. O, fear not him.

While there dies one a week O» the plague, he’s safe, from thinking toward London.

Beside, he’s busy at his hop-yards now;

I had a letter from him. If he do,

He’ll send such word, for airing of the house,

As you shall have sufficient time to quit it:

Though we break up a fortnight, ’tis no matter.

[RE-ENTER DOL.]

SUB. Who is it, Dol?

DOL. A fine young quodling.

FACE. O, My lawyer’s clerk,

I lighted on last night, In Holborn, at the Dagger.

He would have (I told you of him) a familiar,

To rifle with at horses, and win cups.

DOL. O, let him in.

SUB. Stay. Who shall do’t?

FACE. Get youYour robes on:

I will meet him as going out.

DOL. And what shall I do?

FACE. Not be seen; away!

[EXIT DOL.]

Seem you very reserv’d.

SUB. Enough. [EXIT.]

FACE [ALOUD AND RETIRING].

God be wi’ you, sir,

I pray you let him know that

I was here: His name is Dapper.

I would gladly have staid, but — DAP

[WITHIN].

Captain, I am here.

FACE. Who’s that? — He’s come, I think, doctor.

[ENTER DAPPER.]

Good faith, sir, I was going away.

DAP. In truthI am very sorry, captain.

FACE. But I thought Sure I should meet you.

DAP. Ay, I am very glad. I had a scurvy writ or two to make,

And I had lent my watch last night to one

That dines to-day at the sheriff’s, and so was robb’d

Of my past-time.

[RE-ENTER SUBTLE IN HIS VELVET CAP AND GOWN.]

Is this the cunning-man?

FACE. This is his worship.

DAP. Is he a doctor?

FACE. Yes.

DAP. And have you broke with him, captain?

FACE. Ay.

DAP. And how?

FACE. Faith, he does make the matter, sir, so dainty

I know not what to say.

DAP. Not so, good captain.

FACE. Would I were fairly rid of it, believe me.

DAP. Nay, now you grieve me, sir.

Why should you wish so? I dare assure you,

I’ll not be ungrateful.

FACE. I cannot think you will, sir.

But the lawIs such a thing — and then he says,

Read’s matterFalling so lately.

DAP. Read! he was an ass, And dealt, sir, with a fool.

FACE. It was a clerk, sir.

DAP. A clerk!

FACE. Nay, hear me, sir.

You know the law Better, I think —

DAP. I should, sir, and the danger:

You know, I shewed the statute to you.

FACE. You did so.

DAP. And will I tell then!

By this hand of flesh,

Would it might never write good court-hand more,

If I discover.

What do you think of me,

That I am a chiaus?

FACE. What’s that?

DAP. The Turk was here.

As one would say, do you think I am a Turk?

FACE. I’ll tell the doctor so.

DAP. Do, good sweet captain.

FACE. Come, noble doctor, pray thee let’s prevail;

This is the gentleman, and he is no chiaus.

SUB. Captain, I have return’d you all my answer.

I would do much, sir, for your love —

But thisI neither may, nor can.

FACE. Tut, do not say so.

You deal now with a noble fellow, doctor,

One that will thank you richly; and he is no chiaus:

Let that, sir, move you.

SUB. Pray you, forbear —

FACE. He has Four angels here.

SUB. You do me wrong, good sir.

FACE. Doctor, wherein? to tempt you with these spirits?

SUB. To tempt my art and love, sir, to my peril.

Fore heaven, I scarce can think you are my friend,

That so would draw me to apparent danger.

FACE. I draw you! a horse draw you, and a halter,

You, and your flies together —

DAP. Nay, good captain.

FACE. That know no difference of men.

SUB. Good words, sir.

FACE. Good deeds, sir, doctor dogs-meat.

«Slight, I bring you

No cheating Clim o’ the Cloughs or Claribels,

That look as big as five-and-fifty, and flush;

And spit out secrets like hot custard —

DAP. Captain!

FACE. Nor any melancholic under-scribe,

Shall tell the vicar; but a special gentle,

That is the heir to forty marks a year,

Consorts with the small poets of the time,

Is the sole hope of his old grandmother;

That knows the law, and writes you six fair hands,

Is a fine clerk, and has his cyphering perfect.

Will take his oath o’ the Greek Testament,

If need be, in his pocket; and can court

His mistress out of Ovid.

DAP. Nay, dear captain —

FACE. Did you not tell me so?

DAP. Yes; but I’d have youUse master doctor with some more respect.

FACE. Hang him, proud stag, with his broad velvet head! —

But for your sake, I’d choak, ere I would change

An article of breath with such a puckfist:

Come, let’s be gone.

[GOING.]

SUB. Pray you let me speak with you.

DAP. His worship calls you, captain.

FACE. I am sorryI e’er embark’d myself in such a business.

DAP. Nay, good sir; he did call you.

FACE. Will he take then?

SUB. First, hear me —

FACE. Not a syllable, ’less you take.

SUB. Pray you, sir —

FACE. Upon no terms but an assumpsit.

SUB. Your humour must be law.

[HE TAKES THE FOUR ANGELS.]

FACE. Why now, sir, talk.

Now I dare hear you with mine honour.

Speak. So may this gentleman too.

SUB. Why, sir —

[OFFERING TO WHISPER FACE.]

FACE. No whispering.

SUB. Fore heaven, you do not apprehend the loss

You do yourself in this.

FACE. Wherein? for what?

SUB. Marry, to be so importunate for one,

That, when he has it, will undo you all:

He’ll win up all the money in the town.

FACE. How!

SUB. Yes, and blow up gamester after gamester,

As they do crackers in a puppet-play.

If I do give him a familiar,

Give you him all you play for; never set him:

For he will have it.

FACE. You are mistaken, doctor.

Why he does ask one but for cups and horses,

A rifling fly; none of your great familiars.

DAP. Yes, captain, I would have it for all games.

SUB. I told you so.

FACE [TAKING DAP. ASIDE]. «Slight, that is a new business!

I understood you, a tame bird, to fly

Twice in a term, or so, on Friday nights,

When you had left the office, for a nag

Of forty or fifty shillings.

DAP. Ay, ’tis true, sir;

But I do think now I shall leave the law,

And therefore —

FACE. Why, this changes quite the case.

Do you think that I dare move him?

DAP. If you please, sir; All’s one to him, I see.

FACE. What! for that money?

I cannot with my conscience; nor should you

Make the request, methinks.

DAP. No, sir, I meanTo add consideration.

FACE. Why then, sir, I’ll try. —

GOES TO SUBTLE.]

Say that it were for all games, doctor.

SUB. I say then, not a mouth shall eat for him

At any ordinary, but on the score,

That is a gaming mouth, conceive me.

FACE. Indeed!

SUB. He’ll draw you all the treasure of the realm,

If it be set him.

FACE. Speak you this from art?

SUB. Ay, sir, and reason too, the ground of art.

He is of the only best complexion,

The queen of Fairy loves.

FACE. What! is he?

SUB. Peace. He’ll overhear you.

Sir, should she but see him —

FACE. What?

SUB. Do not you tell him.

FACE. Will he win at cards too?

SUB. The spirits of dead Holland, living Isaac,

You’d swear, were in him; such a vigorous luck

As cannot be resisted. «Slight, he’ll put

Six of your gallants to a cloke, indeed.

FACE. A strange success, that some man shall be born to.

SUB. He hears you, man —

DAP. Sir, I’ll not be ingrateful.

FACE. Faith, I have confidence in his good nature:

You hear, he says he will not be ingrateful.

SUB. Why, as you please; my venture follows yours.

FACE. Troth, do it, doctor; think him trusty, and make him.

He may make us both happy in an hour;

Win some five thousand pound, and send us two on’t.

DAP. Believe it, and I will, sir.

FACE. And you shall, sir.

[TAKES HIM ASIDE.]

You have heard all?

DAP. No, what was’t? Nothing, I, sir.

FACE. Nothing!

DAP. A little, sir.

FACE. Well, a rare star Reign’d at your birth.

DAP. At mine, sir! No.

FACE. The doctor Swears that you are —

SUB. Nay, captain, you’ll tell all now.

FACE. Allied to the queen of Fairy.

DAP. Who! that I am? Believe it, no such matter —

FACE. Yes, and that You were born with a cawl on your head.

DAP. Who says so?

FACE. Come, You know it well enough, though you dissemble it.

DAP. I’fac, I do not; you are mistaken.

FACE. How! Swear by your fac, and in a thing so known

Unto the doctor? How shall we, sir, trust you

In the other matter? can we ever think,

When you have won five or six thousand pound,

You’ll send us shares in’t, by this rate?

DAP. By Jove, sir,

I’ll win ten thousand pound, and send you half.

I’fac’s no oath.

SUB. No, no, he did but jest.

FACE. Go to. Go thank the doctor: he’s your friend,

To take it so.

DAP. I thank his worship.

FACE. So! Another angel.

DAP. Must I?

FACE. Must you! ’slight,

What else is thanks? will you be trivial? — Doctor,

[DAPPER GIVES HIM THE MONEY.]

When must he come for his familiar?

DAP. Shall I not have it with me?

SUB. O, good sir! There must a world of ceremonies pass;

You must be bath’d and fumigated first:

Besides the queen of Fairy does not rise

Till it be noon.

FACE. Not, if she danced, to-night.

SUB. And she must bless it.

FACE. Did you never see Her royal grace yet?

DAP. Whom?

FACE. Your aunt of Fairy?

SUB. Not since she kist him in the cradle, captain;

I can resolve you that.

FACE. Well, see her grace,

Whate’er it cost you, for a thing that I know.

It will be somewhat hard to compass; but

However, see her. You are made, believe it,

If you can see her.

Her grace is a lone woman,

And very rich; and if she take a fancy,

She will do strange things.

See her, at any hand.

«Slid, she may hap to leave you all she has: It is the doctor’s fear.

DAP. How will’t be done, then?

FACE. Let me alone, take you no thought. Do you

But say to me, captain, I’ll see her grace.

DAP. «Captain, I’ll see her grace.«FACE. Enough.

[KNOCKING WITHIN.]

SUB. Who’s there? Anon.

[ASIDE TO FACE.]

— Conduct him forth by the back way. —

Sir, against one o’clock prepare yourself;

Till when you must be fasting; only take

Three drops of vinegar in at your nose,

Two at your mouth, and one at either ear;

Then bathe your fingers’ ends and wash your eyes,

To sharpen your five senses, and cry«hum

«Thrice, and then «buz» as often; and then come.

[EXIT.]

FACE. Can you remember this?

DAP. I warrant you.

FACE. Well then, away. It is but your bestowing

Some twenty nobles ’mong her grace’s servants,

And put on a clean shirt: you do not know

What grace her grace may do you in clean linen.

[EXEUNT FACE AND DAPPER.]

SUB [WITHIN].

Come in! Good wives,

I pray you forbear me now;

Troth I can do you no good till afternoon —

[RE-ENTERS, FOLLOWED BY DRUGGER.]

What is your name, say you? Abel Drugger?

DRUG. Yes, sir.

SUB. A seller of tobacco?

DRUG. Yes, sir.

SUB. Umph! Free of the grocers?

DRUG. Ay, an’t please you.

SUB. Well — Your business, Abel?

DRUG. This, an’t please your worship;

I am a young beginner, and am building

Of a new shop, an’t like your worship, just

At corner of a street: — Here is the plot on’t —

And I would know by art, sir, of your worship,

Which way I should make my door, by necromancy,

And where my shelves; and which should be for boxes,

And which for pots.

I would be glad to thrive, sir:

And I was wish’d to your worship by a gentleman,

One captain Face, that says you know men’s planets,

And their good angels, and their bad.

SUB. I do, If I do see them —

[RE-ENTER FACE.]

FACE. What! my honest Abel? Though art well met here.

DRUG. Troth, sir, I was speaking,

Just as your worship came here, of your worship:

I pray you speak for me to master doctor.

FACE. He shall do any thing. — Doctor, do you hear?

is my friend, Abel, an honest fellow;

He lets me have good tobacco, and he does not

Sophisticate it with sack-lees or oil,

FACE. Nay, I’ll not counsel thee.

Thou hear’st what wealth (he says, spend what thou canst,)

Thou’rt like to come to.

DRUG. I would gi’ him a crown.

FACE. A crown! and toward such a fortune? heart,

Thou shalt rather gi’ him thy shop.

No gold about thee?

DRUG. Yes, I have a portague,

I have kept this half-year.

FACE. Out on thee, Nab!

«Slight, there was such an offer —

Shalt keep’t no longer,

I’ll give’t him for thee. Doctor,

Nab prays your worship to drink this, and swears

He will appear more grateful, as your skill

Does raise him in the world.

DRUG. I would entreatAnother favour of his worship.

FACE. What is’t, Nab?

DRUG. But to look over, sir, my almanack,

And cross out my ill-days, that I may neither

Bargain, nor trust upon them.

FACE. That he shall, Nab: Leave it, it shall be done, ’gainst afternoon.

SUB. And a direction for his shelves.

FACE. Now, Nab, Art thou well pleased, Nab?

DRUG. «Thank, sir, both your worships.

FACE. Away.

[EXIT DRUGGER.]

Why, now, you smoaky persecutor of nature!

Now do you see, that something’s to be done,

Beside your beech-coal, and your corsive waters,

Your crosslets, crucibles, and cucurbites?

You must have stuff brought home to you, to work on:

And yet you think,

I am at no expenseIn searching out these veins, then following them, Then trying them out. «Fore God, my intelligence Costs me more money, than my share oft comes to, In these rare works.

SUB. You are pleasant, sir.

[RE-ENTER DOL.] —

How now! What says my dainty Dolkin?

DOL. Yonder fish-wife

Will not away.

And there’s your giantess,

The bawd of Lambeth.

SUB. Heart, I cannot speak with them.

DOL. Not afore night, I have told them in a voice,

Thorough the trunk, like one of your familiars.

But I have spied sir Epicure Mammon —

SUB. Where?

DOL. Coming along, at far end of the lane,

Slow of his feet, but earnest of his tongue To one that’s with him.

SUB. Face, go you and shift.

[EXIT FACE.]

Dol, you must presently make ready, too.

DOL. Why, what’s the matter?

SUB. O, I did look for him

With the sun’s rising: ’marvel he could sleep,

This is the day I am to perfect for him

The magisterium, our great work, the stone;

And yield it, made, into his hands: of which

He has, this month, talked as he were possess’d.

And now he’s dealing pieces on’t away. —

Methinks I see him entering ordinaries,

Dispensing for the pox, and plaguy houses,

Reaching his dose, walking

Moor fields for lepers,

And offering citizens’ wives pomander-bracelets,

As his preservative, made of the elixir;

Searching the spittal, to make old bawds young;

And the highways, for beggars, to make rich.

I see no end of his labours.

He will make Nature asham’d of her long sleep: when art,

Who’s but a step-dame, shall do more than she,

In her best love to mankind, ever could:

If his dream lasts, he’ll turn the age to gold.

[EXEUNT.]

ACT 2

SCENE 2.1

AN OUTER ROOM IN LOVEWIT’S HOUSE. ENTER SIR EPICURE MAMMON AND SURLY.

MAM. Come on, sir.

Now, you set your foot on shore

In Novo Orbe; here’s the rich Peru:

And there within, sir, are the golden mines,

Great Solomon’s Ophir! he was sailing to’t,

Three years, but we have reached it in ten months.

This is the day, wherein, to all my friends,

I will pronounce the happy word,

BE RICH; THIS DAY YOU SHALL BE SPECTATISSIMI.

You shall no more deal with the hollow dye,

Or the frail card. No more be at charge of keeping

The livery-punk for the young heir, that must

Seal, at all hours, in his shirt: no more,

If he deny, have him beaten to’t, as he is

That brings him the commodity. No more

Shall thirst of satin, or the covetous hunger

Of velvet entrails for a rude-spun cloke,

To be display’d at madam Augusta’s, make

The sons of Sword and Hazard fall before

The golden calf, and on their knees, whole nights

Commit idolatry with wine and trumpets:

Or go a feasting after drum and ensign.

No more of this.

You shall start up young viceroys,

And have your punks, and punketees, my Surly.

And unto thee I speak it first, BE RICH.

Where is my Subtle, there? Within, ho!

FACE [WITHIN]. Sir, he’ll come to you by and by.

MAM. That is his fire-drake,

His Lungs, his Zephyrus, he that puffs his coals,

Till he firk nature up, in her own centre.

You are not faithful, sir.

This night, I’ll change

All that is metal, in my house, to gold:

And, early in the morning, will I send

To all the plumbers and the pewterers,

And by their tin and lead up; and to Lothbury

For all the copper.

SUR. What, and turn that too?

MAM. Yes, and I’ll purchase Devonshire and Cornwall,

And make them perfect Indies! you admire now?

SUR. No, faith.

MAM. But when you see th’ effects of the Great Medicine,

Of which one part projected on a hundred

Of Mercury, or Venus, or the moon,

Shall turn it to as many of the sun;

Nay, to a thousand, so ad infinitum:

You will believe me.

SUR. Yes, when I see’t, I will.

But if my eyes do cozen me so, and I

Giving them no occasion, sure

I’ll have

A whore, shall piss them out next day.

MAM. Ha! why? Do you think I fable with you?

I assure you,

He that has once the flower of the sun,

The perfect ruby, which we call elixir,

Not only can do that, but, by its virtue,

Can confer honour, love, respect, long life;

Give safety, valour, yea, and victory,

To whom he will. In eight and twenty days,

I’ll make an old man of fourscore, a child.

SUR. No doubt; he’s that already.

MAM. Nay, I mean,

Restore his years, renew him, like an eagle,

To the fifth age; make him get sons and daughters,

Young giants; as our philosophers have done,

The ancient patriarchs, afore the flood,

But taking, once a week, on a knife’s point,

The quantity of a grain of mustard of it;

Become stout Marses, and beget young Cupids.

SUR. The decay’d vestals of Pict-hatch would thank you,

That keep the fire alive, there.

MAM. «Tis the secret

Of nature naturis’d ’gainst all infections,

Cures all diseases coming of all causes;

A month’s grief in a day, a year’s in twelve;

And, of what age soever, in a month:

Past all the doses of your drugging doctors.

I’ll undertake, withal, to fright the plague

Out of the kingdom in three months.

SUR. And I’llBe bound, the players shall sing your praises, then,

Without their poets.

MAM. Sir, I’ll do’t. Mean time,

I’ll give away so much unto my man,

Shall serve the whole city, with preservative Weekly; each house his dose, and at the rate —

SUR. As he that built the Water-work, does with water?

MAM. You are incredulous.

SUR. Faith I have a humour,

I would not willingly be gull’d.

Your stone

Cannot transmute me.

MAM. Pertinax, [my] Surly,

Will you believe antiquity? records?

I’ll shew you a book where Moses and his sister,

And Solomon have written of the art;

Ay, and a treatise penn’d by Adam —

SUR. How!

MAM. Of the philosopher’s stone, and in High Dutch.

SUR. Did Adam write, sir, in High Dutch?

MAM. He did; Which proves it was the primitive tongue.

SUR. What paper?

MAM. On cedar board.

SUR. O that, indeed, they say,

Will last ’gainst worms.

MAM. «Tis like your Irish wood,«Gainst cob-webs.

I have a piece of Jason’s fleece, too,

Which was no other than a book of alchemy,

Writ in large sheep-skin, a good fat ram-vellum.

Such was Pythagoras’ thigh, Pandora’s tub,

And, all that fable of Medea’s charms,

The manner of our work; the bulls, our furnace,

Still breathing fire; our argent-vive, the dragon:

The dragon’s teeth, mercury sublimate,

That keeps the whiteness, hardness, and the biting;

And they are gathered into Jason’s helm,

The alembic, and then sow’d in Mars his field,

And thence sublimed so often, till they’re fixed.

Both this, the Hesperian garden,

Cadmus’ story, Jove’s shower, the boon of Midas,

Argus’ eyes, Boccace his Demogorgon, thousands more,

All abstract riddles of our stone.

[ENTER FACE, AS A SERVANT.]

— How now! Do we succeed? Is our day come? and holds it?

FACE. The evening will set red upon you, sir;

You have colour for it, crimson: the red ferment

Has done his office; three hours hence prepare you

To see projection.

MAM. Pertinax, my Surly.

Again I say to thee, aloud,

Be rich.

This day, thou shalt have ingots; and to-morrow,

Give lords th’ affront. — Is it, my Zephyrus, right?

Blushes the bolt’s-head?

FACE. Like a wench with child, sir,

That were but now discover’d to her master.

MAM. Excellent witty Lungs! — my only care

Where to get stuff enough now, to project on;

This town will not half serve me.

FACE. No, sir! buy

The covering off o’ churches.

MAM. That’s true.

FACE. Yes. Let them stand bare, as do their auditory;

Or cap them, new, with shingles.

MAM. No, good thatch: Thatch will lie light upon the rafters, Lungs. —

Lungs, I will manumit thee from the furnace;

I will restore thee thy complexion, Puffe,

Lost in the embers; and repair this brain,

Hurt with the fume o’ the metals.

FACE. I have blown, sir,

Hard for your worship; thrown by many a coal,

When ’twas not beech; weigh’d those I put in, just,

To keep your heat still even; these blear’d eyes

Have wak’d to read your several colours, sir,

Of the pale citron, the green lion, the crow,

The peacock’s tail, the plumed swan.

MAM. And, lastly,

Thou hast descry’d the flower, the sanguis agni?

FACE. Yes, sir.

MAM. Where’s master?

FACE. At his prayers, sir, he;

Good man, he’s doing his devotions

For the success.

MAM. Lungs, I will set a period

To all thy labours; thou shalt be the master

Of my seraglio.

FACE. Good, sir.

MAM. But do you hear? I’ll geld you, Lungs.

FACE. Yes, sir.

MAM. For I do mean

To have a list of wives and concubines,

Equal with Solomon, who had the stone

Alike with me; and I will make me a back

With the elixir, that shall be as tough

As Hercules, to encounter fifty a night. —

Thou’rt sure thou saw’st it blood?

FACE. Both blood and spirit, sir.

MAM. I will have all my beds blown up, not stuft;

Down is too hard: and then, mine oval room

Fill’d with such pictures as Tiberius took

From Elephantis, and dull Aretine

But coldly imitated. Then, my glasses

Cut in more subtle angles, to disperse

And multiply the figures, as I walk

Naked between my succubae. My mists

I’ll have of perfume, vapour’d ’bout the room,

To lose ourselves in; and my baths, like pits

To fall into; from whence we will come forth,

And roll us dry in gossamer and roses. —

Is it arrived at ruby? —

Where I spy

A wealthy citizen, or [a] rich lawyer,

Have a sublimed pure wife, unto that fellow

I’ll send a thousand pound to be my cuckold.

FACE. And I shall carry it?

MAM. No. I’ll have no bawds,

But fathers and mothers: they will do it best,

Best of all others. And my flatterers

Shall be the pure and gravest of divines,

That I can get for money. My mere fools,

Eloquent burgesses, and then my poets

The same that writ so subtly of the fart,

Whom I will entertain still for that subject.

The few that would give out themselves to be

Court and town-stallions, and, each-where, bely

Ladies who are known most innocent for them;

Those will I beg, to make me eunuchs of:

And they shall fan me with ten estrich tails

A-piece, made in a plume to gather wind.

We will be brave,

Puffe, now we have the med’cine.

My meat shall all come in, in Indian shells,

Dishes of agat set in gold, and studded

With emeralds, sapphires, hyacinths, and rubies.

The tongues of carps, dormice, and camels’ heels,

Boil’d in the spirit of sol, and dissolv’d pearl,

Apicius’ diet, ’gainst the epilepsy:

And I will eat these broths with spoons of amber,

Headed with diamond and carbuncle.

My foot-boy shall eat pheasants, calver’d salmons,

Knots, godwits, lampreys: I myself will have

The beards of barbels served, instead of sallads;

Oil’d mushrooms; and the swelling unctuous paps

Of a fat pregnant sow, newly cut off,

Drest with an exquisite, and poignant sauce;

For which, I’ll say unto my cook,

«There’s gold, Go forth, and be a knight.

«FACE. Sir, I’ll go lookA little, how it heightens.

[EXIT.]

MAM. Do. — My shirtsI’ll have of taffeta-sarsnet, soft and light

As cobwebs; and for all my other raiment,

It shall be such as might provoke the Persian,

Were he to teach the world riot anew.

My gloves of fishes’ and birds’ skins, perfumed

With gums of paradise, and eastern air —

SUR. And do you think to have the stone with this?

MAM. No, I do think t’ have all this with the stone.

SUR. Why, I have heard he must be homo frugi,

A pious, holy, and religious man, One free from mortal sin, a very virgin.

MAM. That makes it, sir; he is so: but I buy it;

My venture brings it me.

He, honest wretch,

A notable, superstitious, good soul,

Has worn his knees bare, and his slippers bald,

With prayer and fasting for it: and, sir, let him

Do it alone, for me, still.

Here he comes.

Not a profane word afore him: ’tis poison. —

[ENTER SUBTLE.]

Good morrow, father.

SUB. Gentle son, good morrow,

And to your friend there.

What is he, is with you?

MAM. An heretic, that I did bring along,

In hope, sir, to convert him.

SUB. Son, I doubt

You are covetous, that thus you meet your time

In the just point: prevent your day at morning.

This argues something, worthy of a fear

Of importune and carnal appetite.

Take heed you do not cause the blessing leave you,

With your ungovern’d haste. I should be sorry

To see my labours, now even at perfection,

Got by long watching and large patience,

Not prosper where my love and zeal hath placed them.

Which (heaven I call to witness, with your self,

To whom I have pour’d my thoughts) in all my ends,

Have look’d no way, but unto public good,

To pious uses, and dear charity

Now grown a prodigy with men.

WhereinIf you, my son, should now prevaricate,

And, to your own particular lusts employ

So great and catholic a bliss, be sure

A curse will follow, yea, and overtake

Your subtle and most secret ways.

MAM. I know, sir;

You shall not need to fear me;

I but come,

To have you confute this gentleman.

SUR. Who is, Indeed, sir, somewhat costive of belief

Toward your stone; would not be gull’d.

SUB. Well, son, All that I can convince him in, is this,

The WORK IS DONE, bright sol is in his robe.

We have a medicine of the triple soul,

The glorified spirit.

Thanks be to heaven,

And make us worthy of it! —

Ulen Spiegel!

FACE [WITHIN]. Anon, sir.

SUB. Look well to the register.

And let your heat still lessen by degrees,

To the aludels.

FACE [WITHIN]. Yes, sir.

SUB. Did you lookOn the bolt’s-head yet?

FACE [WITHIN]. Which? on D, sir?

SUB. Ay; What’s the complexion?

FACE [WITHIN]. Whitish.

SUB. Infuse vinegar,

To draw his volatile substance and his tincture:

And let the water in glass E be filter’d,

And put into the gripe’s egg. Lute him well;

And leave him closed in balneo.

FACE [WITHIN]. I will, sir.

SUR. What a brave language here is! next to canting.

SUB. I have another work, you never saw, son,

That three days since past the philosopher’s wheel,

In the lent heat of Athanor; and’s become

Sulphur of Nature.

MAM. But ’tis for me?

SUB. What need you?